Monday, April 19, 2010

What love means to me...

My love situation is inconvenient but undeniably the heart wants what it wants. Since I've met him, I stay up most nights thinking about how much I miss him (yeah, most times I tear), I hate that he has to get off the phone because I don't want to be without him even for a second, I expect him to read my mind and know how I'm feeling so I don't say what's wrong with me sometimes (yeah, it's a female thing and i know it's annoying for men), I want him to take care of me and only ever want to take care of me (This is an extreme request, I'm selfish), we never get to be together, the luxuries of cuddles and kisses are non-existant (We live too far apart), I'm nicer to my family because he made me realize what is really important in life, I work more passionately because I know that if I work really hard that we will have more money so we can retire early and spend the rest of our life just being together and drinking tea.

Somedays, I get ugly. I am human after all. I can get really dysfunctional at times. No doubt. If you asked me what love was 5 minutes ago.. I would have told you love is about taking care of eachother and unfortunately I spend most of the times I cry, alone. I guess I was just mad. Nah I dont 'guess'. Fuck it, I was mad. I was mad that love isn't perfect. I meant it but all the good things outweigh the bad which is why my anger only lasts 5 minutes. Lulu said "if Love was easy then everyone would be in love"... He's right and I always remember how lucky I am despite our troubled situation. So, if you asked me right now what love means to me? I would tell you that love is hard but worth it. That eventhough I'm not happy all the time that I will be here with my heart wide open because love is unconditional.


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